I turned the light on and lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling. I’m such a fuck up I thought to myself. Why did I let the boys talk me into it? I was just a push over and nobody cared about me. Hannah cared about me but now thanks to the boys she hates my guts. Not even Harry cares about he couldn’t find the time to write back. If I’d have had his advice none of this would’ve happened but he doesn’t care. I turned and looked at my bedside table. There was a tub of paracetamol there and I didn’t even think before I’d grabbed it poured them all in mouth. I crunched through them all eating nearly the entire tub. There was no point me being here anymore, nobody cared. I sat there and didn’t feel anything for a while. I thought it probably hadn’t worked so I went to sleep.
I woke up a few hours later, it was still dark outside but I was thinking more clearly. I must have sobered up mostly. And then I realised what I’d done. I didn’t want to die, what was I thinking? Now what do I do? Is it too late? I shouted to my mum. She came running in and looked at me, shocked. “I thought you were out tonight, Jason? When did you get back?”
I looked up at her from my bed, I’d never felt so helpless, I couldn’t even speak. Then she spotted the open paracetamol tub on the bed next to me and a couple of pills that had dropped on the floor. She knew then what I’d done. She called me an idiot and ran downstairs to ring an ambulance. They cam quite quickly and I was bundled off to A & E. When I got there I was rushed to this room and they said they were going to pump my stomach. It was horrific. They shoved this tube down my throat and kept pushing it down deeper and deeper making me gag and choke. Then they poured something in and I felt pour into my stomach. Then they pulled the tube out and I threw up more than I ever have before. There were even still bits of un-chewed tablet in it. After that they put me in a bed and told me to get some sleep.
I had some really strange dreams that night and the dreams all combined with reality. I had this weird memory of the doctor giving me a lecture and I wasn’t sure if it was real or not. “”You’re a stupid boy Jason, you should never do this again. Death by paracetamol is a very painful and drawn out process, I’m going to assign you to a psychiatrist.” Then I felt more ashamed than anything I didn’t know why I’d done it.
The next day I woke up and Harry was sat next to my bed. He was looking at me sympathetically. “What are you doing, mate? How did you end up here? It wasn’t because of Hannah was it?”
I didn’t answer his questions because I didn’t care. All I wanted was an answer from, “Why didn’t you write back to me Harry?” I said.
“I did write back to you. I wrote back the day your letter arrived. It brightened my day up so much, Jase. Haven’t you got my letter?”
“No I haven’t, I thought you didn’t care. I thought no one cared.”
“Of course I care Jason. I’m always here for you, mate.”
I got home later that day and as I went into the lounge there was a letter addressed to me sitting in the coffee table. I sat down and opened it:
Uni’s been going great thanks. I’ve been partying every day, don’t tell mum and dad but it’s awesome. You should come stay some time and I’ll show you what it’s all about.
Glad to hear you’re liking the Biffy Clyro stuff. If you have a look on YouTube there’s some songs up that are going to be on their new album, let me know what you think of them!
Can’t believe an ugly little rat boy managed to get a girlfriend! No I’m only joking, I’m proud of you mate. I’ve taught you well. My advice is to not try and make anything happen. Just see her every now and again and play it cool. If you keep at it I guarantee you in a few months she’ll give you something back and trust me, it’s worth the wait!
I’m going to be coming home for the weekend in a couple of weeks and you’ll be able to tell me all about her then, maybe I’ll even get to meet her! See you soon,