Justboy, part 4

I turned the light on and lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling. I’m such a fuck up I thought to myself. Why did I let the boys talk me into it? I was just a push over and nobody cared about me. Hannah cared about me but now thanks to the boys she hates my guts. Not even Harry cares about he couldn’t find the time to write back. If I’d have had his advice none of this would’ve happened but he doesn’t care. I turned and looked at my bedside table. There was a tub of paracetamol there and I didn’t even think before I’d grabbed it poured them all in mouth. I crunched through them all eating nearly the entire tub. There was no point me being here anymore, nobody cared. I sat there and didn’t feel anything for a while. I thought it probably hadn’t worked so I went to sleep.

I woke up a few hours later, it was still dark outside but I was thinking more clearly. I must have sobered up mostly. And then I realised what I’d done. I didn’t want to die, what was I thinking? Now what do I do? Is it too late? I shouted to my mum. She came running in and looked at me, shocked. “I thought you were out tonight, Jason? When did you get back?”

I looked up at her from my bed, I’d never felt so helpless, I couldn’t even speak. Then she spotted the open paracetamol tub on the bed next to me and a couple of pills that had dropped on the floor. She knew then what I’d done. She called me an idiot and ran downstairs to ring an ambulance. They cam quite quickly and I was bundled off to A & E. When I got there I was rushed to this room and they said they were going to pump my stomach. It was horrific. They shoved this tube down my throat and kept pushing it down deeper and deeper making me gag and choke. Then they poured something in and I felt pour into my stomach. Then they pulled the tube out and I threw up more than I ever have before. There were even still bits of un-chewed tablet in it. After that they put me in a bed and told me to get some sleep.

I had some really strange dreams that night and the dreams all combined with reality. I had this weird memory of the doctor giving me a lecture and I wasn’t sure if it was real or not. “”You’re a stupid boy Jason, you should never do this again. Death by paracetamol is a very painful and drawn out process, I’m going to assign you to a psychiatrist.” Then I felt more ashamed than anything I didn’t know why I’d done it.

The next day I woke up and Harry was sat next to my bed. He was looking at me sympathetically. “What are you doing, mate? How did you end up here? It wasn’t because of Hannah was it?”

I didn’t answer his questions because I didn’t care. All I wanted was an answer from, “Why didn’t you write back to me Harry?” I said.

“I did write back to you. I wrote back the day your letter arrived. It brightened my day up so much, Jase. Haven’t you got my letter?”

“No I haven’t, I thought you didn’t care. I thought no one cared.”

“Of course I care Jason. I’m always here for you, mate.”

I got home later that day and as I went into the lounge there was a letter addressed to me sitting in the coffee table. I sat down and opened it:

Dear Jason,

Uni’s been going great thanks. I’ve been partying every day, don’t tell mum and dad but it’s awesome. You should come stay some time and I’ll show you what it’s all about.

Glad to hear you’re liking the Biffy Clyro stuff. If you have a look on YouTube there’s some songs up that are going to be on their new album, let me know what you think of them!

Can’t believe an ugly little rat boy managed to get a girlfriend! No I’m only joking, I’m proud of you mate. I’ve taught you well. My advice is to not try and make anything happen. Just see her every now and again and play it cool. If you keep at it I guarantee you in a few months she’ll give you something back and trust me, it’s worth the wait!

I’m going to be coming home for the weekend in a couple of weeks and you’ll be able to tell me all about her then, maybe I’ll even get to meet her! See you soon,

Love Harry.

Justboy, part 3

Then the boys walked over to me, they didn’t actually mention anything about me and Hannah but I knew they knew. We just chatted about this one time when Peanuts had eaten a worm and thrown up and the worm was still alive in his sick. It was hilarious the way Peanuts told it but I always wondered how true his stories actually were. Then Chris pulled out the bottle of vodka that the girls hadn’t finished and said they’d said we could have some so I took a big gulp. I wasn’t expecting it to be as horrible as it was, it felt like my throat was burning and the taste it left in my mouth was absolutely disgusting. It hit my head immediately too, I lost a bit more control of what I was doing and saying. Then Sarah came over and asked if we fancied a game of hide and seek in the woods and we thought that sounded like a laugh.

We all congregated in the middle of the site and worked on some rules. Everyone must have their phones on for emergencies and no jumping out on anyone because it would be far too scary. Still, none of us wanted to be first to be the seeker and we decided it by rock paper scissors, thankfully it was Peanuts who lost. We all ran off in different directions tripping over things and scrabbling around in the leaves finding the perfect spot. I found this bush that seems to have a big chunk missing out of it so I could get right inside. I could hear Peanuts counting and he was missing out numbers so he would get to 100 quicker. Then I saw him just run past the bush I was in and go in search of the others.

As I sat there I thought how much I’d actually really like to give Peanuts a good scare, he’s ruined what I had with Hannah and he needs to get what’s coming to him. I heard him find Hannah first actually she must have been in a pretty shit hiding place, then he found Chris, then the other two who were hiding together because they were too scared . The others had all gone back to the camp and I could hear Peanuts padding around sneakily trying to find me, by now I knew I was definitely going to try and scare the hell out of him.

I heard him start to get close to the bush I was in and I shook to draw his attention slightly, I knew he wouldn’t be able to see me in there. He heard the leaves shaking and turned to look at the bush. “Got you, Jason, you can come out now,” he shouted confidently. I remained as still as I could and waited silently for him to come closer to the bush and start to inspect it. He came right in close and I thought he was going to spot me, but he didn’t. He was just about to turn back around and look elsewhere when I burst through the top of bush screaming at the top of my lungs. He jumped so much that he actually fell over, it was so funny. I burst into laughter as he lay there in the leaves and collected himself. I saw in his face that he wasn’t pleased and was actually quite angry so I jumped out of the bush and began to run back to the camp. He got up and chased after me.

When I reached the camp site I stopped, I thought I was safe there and needed to catch my breath. As I was panting he caught up but he was still genuinely mad and he shoved on the floor from behind. I managed to get my hands out just in time to stop my face hitting the ground. Then he dragged my back up and swung for me, he smacked me right in the eye and I fell back down. The others all ran over to stop him from hitting me again.

“What are you doing, mate?” Chris shouted at Peanuts.

“He deserved, we agreed no fucking jumping out and what did he do? He fucking jumped out at me!” Peanuts shouted back. I’d never seen him quite so angry before I thought it must’ve been down to the alcohol. I wanted to say something back to him like, ‘you shat yourself you pussy,’ but I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to get hit again.

Hannah came over to see if I was ok but she seemed to notice something on the floor next to me. I hadn’t noticed but when I’d fallen the condom must’ve fallen out of pocket and she’d spotted it. She bent down to pick it up and all I wanted was to be curled up in bed with no one around, I wished I hadn’t come out at all. She picked it up and stared at me right in the eye. She didn’t even need to say anything; she said it all in her eyes. But then she did speak, “Jason, what the fuck is this? Did you actually think we were going to have sex tonight in these woods? Who do you think I am, Jason? We’re only fifteen, we can’t be having sex yet, and who the fuck wants their first time to be in the woods and drunk? You’re a bastard Jason, I actually really liked you but you’re just a bastard.”

This time I couldn’t stop it and tears starting rolling from eyes and down my face. I opened my mouth to defend myself but nothing came out. I turned and looked at Peanuts and he had this smug grin plastered across his face like this is what he’d planned all along. I just turned and ran away. I ran all the way through the woods all the way back home. It was really late now, must have been about two in the morning so I snuck in through the back door and made as little noise as possible going up to my room.

Justboy, part 1

Dear Harry,

Mum told me I should write you a letter since apparently I don’t contact you enough. So, here I am, writing you a letter.

Things are just as boring here as they were when you left. I’ve really liked those Biffy Clyro albums you left me. I know all the words to Blackened Sky now, Justboy’s my favourite song. It must’ve been awesome to go and see them, send me some pictures.

Actually thinking about it there is something that’s interesting. I have got a girlfriend! Her names Hannah, she’s got blonde hair and the biggest tits in the whole of year nine. I was wondering if you could give me some tips on how, maybe, I’d get to touch them one day, I know you’ve touched loads of girls! But, yeah, Hannah is awesome when you come home for Christmas you’ll meet her and hopefully you’ll be just as impressed as all the boys were at school.

Write back and let me know how uni’s going and don’t forget those tips,

Love Jason

I hadn’t spoken to Harry since he left and I didn’t want to let anyone know but I missed him so much you couldn’t imagine. It wasn’t Mum that told me to send him a letter I decided to do it of my own accord; this place wasn’t the same without him around. I felt much more vulnerable at school without him there to stick up for me.

I remember this one time when I’d just started at secondary school and Luke Hannigan tripped me up in the playground. I got really angry and started trying to swing for him. I got him square in the nose and he was about to punch back, he was a lot bigger than me and I wouldn’t have stood a chance. But just before he could get me Harry turned up and came to my rescue. He stood right in front of him towering over him and just said, ‘You’re going to go back to your mates and forget this ever happened or you’ll have me on your back every day for the rest of your days at this school.’ After that Luke never bothered me again and, as a matter of fact, no one ever bothered me after that day. Everyone knew that Harry had my back.

I suppose that now I’m in year ten I could look after myself. I can look after myself to the extent that I’d managed to pull Hannah. I still can’t quite get over what I’ve done; I’m going out with the hottest girl in the year. I would like us to go somewhere, get serious. I’m probably never going to get anyone better-looking in my whole life!

Things had been really shit actually since Harry left but now I’ve got Hannah I think things are finally going to get good. She’s coming round in an hour so for the first time, I better get ready, I’m actually really nervous.

She got here at about half past six and mum had cooked us fish fingers and chips. I know, right, the most romantic date meal ever. While we were eating it mum kept asking these stupid questions that even dad was getting bored by. So then he started making these terrible jokes and I felt like face planting my dinner. Luckily now it was over and me and Hannah were cuddling and watching TV in my room. The door was on the latch because mum told me I wasn’t allowed it shut with any girl round but I thought we’d be pretty safe from intrusion. The cuddling was nice, I had to hide from her the fact that I was getting over excited I don’t think she’d noticed though. She looked stunning, she’d put on this bright red lipstick and straightened her hair and she looked just like a model.

We were watching some random programme but I wasn’t paying attention I was looking at her the whole time then when a break came I decided it was time to make my move. I slouched down so I was lying face to face with her and stared right into her big blue eyes. She has the most beautiful eyelashes I’ve ever seen. There’s a part of me that wants to tell her I love her but I stop myself, I know I can’t say that yet. But she stares back at me as if she wants to tell me as well. Then I go in for the kiss. It was one of the best moments of my life. I had my eyes open so I could see her but every now and again she’d open hers and I’d have to shut mine so she didn’t think I was weird. I was getting even more excited down there, it was quite hard to hide now but I don’t think she minded anyway. That night when she left I had the biggest smile on my face. She said I looked like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. She looked pretty happy as well. That night I had the best sleep I’d had since Harry had left for uni.

Blackened Sky


Biffy Clyro have, in recent years, become one of Britains’ most celeberated bands but this week I’ve decided to go back to their roots and go part of the way to explaining why they are one of my favourite bands. Biffy’s debut album Blackened Sky is, in my view, one of the most underrated albums of the last few decades.

It’s obviously a much more raw sounding record from what you would expect of the Biff nowadays but that’s where it works. The songs move from rusty melodies into meaty riffs and awkward screams which in future albums would come to define the band their. Some of the groups best songs can be found on this album ‘Justboy’, and ’57’ probably being the most well known but there are even better ones to be found that you may not have heard of, ‘Christopher’s River’ being a personal favourite. The album doesn’t have the gloss of Only Revolutions or Puzzle nor the experimental side of Veritgo of Bliss or Infintiy Land but it has it’s own charm that none of their other records have captured. This album deserves so much more praise than it gets, it’s an awesome debut for one of the greatest bands that are around right now.