Justboy, part 4

I turned the light on and lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling. I’m such a fuck up I thought to myself. Why did I let the boys talk me into it? I was just a push over and nobody cared about me. Hannah cared about me but now thanks to the boys she hates my guts. Not even Harry cares about he couldn’t find the time to write back. If I’d have had his advice none of this would’ve happened but he doesn’t care. I turned and looked at my bedside table. There was a tub of paracetamol there and I didn’t even think before I’d grabbed it poured them all in mouth. I crunched through them all eating nearly the entire tub. There was no point me being here anymore, nobody cared. I sat there and didn’t feel anything for a while. I thought it probably hadn’t worked so I went to sleep.

I woke up a few hours later, it was still dark outside but I was thinking more clearly. I must have sobered up mostly. And then I realised what I’d done. I didn’t want to die, what was I thinking? Now what do I do? Is it too late? I shouted to my mum. She came running in and looked at me, shocked. “I thought you were out tonight, Jason? When did you get back?”

I looked up at her from my bed, I’d never felt so helpless, I couldn’t even speak. Then she spotted the open paracetamol tub on the bed next to me and a couple of pills that had dropped on the floor. She knew then what I’d done. She called me an idiot and ran downstairs to ring an ambulance. They cam quite quickly and I was bundled off to A & E. When I got there I was rushed to this room and they said they were going to pump my stomach. It was horrific. They shoved this tube down my throat and kept pushing it down deeper and deeper making me gag and choke. Then they poured something in and I felt pour into my stomach. Then they pulled the tube out and I threw up more than I ever have before. There were even still bits of un-chewed tablet in it. After that they put me in a bed and told me to get some sleep.

I had some really strange dreams that night and the dreams all combined with reality. I had this weird memory of the doctor giving me a lecture and I wasn’t sure if it was real or not. “”You’re a stupid boy Jason, you should never do this again. Death by paracetamol is a very painful and drawn out process, I’m going to assign you to a psychiatrist.” Then I felt more ashamed than anything I didn’t know why I’d done it.

The next day I woke up and Harry was sat next to my bed. He was looking at me sympathetically. “What are you doing, mate? How did you end up here? It wasn’t because of Hannah was it?”

I didn’t answer his questions because I didn’t care. All I wanted was an answer from, “Why didn’t you write back to me Harry?” I said.

“I did write back to you. I wrote back the day your letter arrived. It brightened my day up so much, Jase. Haven’t you got my letter?”

“No I haven’t, I thought you didn’t care. I thought no one cared.”

“Of course I care Jason. I’m always here for you, mate.”

I got home later that day and as I went into the lounge there was a letter addressed to me sitting in the coffee table. I sat down and opened it:

Dear Jason,

Uni’s been going great thanks. I’ve been partying every day, don’t tell mum and dad but it’s awesome. You should come stay some time and I’ll show you what it’s all about.

Glad to hear you’re liking the Biffy Clyro stuff. If you have a look on YouTube there’s some songs up that are going to be on their new album, let me know what you think of them!

Can’t believe an ugly little rat boy managed to get a girlfriend! No I’m only joking, I’m proud of you mate. I’ve taught you well. My advice is to not try and make anything happen. Just see her every now and again and play it cool. If you keep at it I guarantee you in a few months she’ll give you something back and trust me, it’s worth the wait!

I’m going to be coming home for the weekend in a couple of weeks and you’ll be able to tell me all about her then, maybe I’ll even get to meet her! See you soon,

Love Harry.


SmashingPumpkins-AdoreIn 1998 the Pumpkins followed up their ’95 epic Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness with Adore, perhaps their biggest departure in style yet. Drummer Jimmy Chamberlain the record marked troubled times a band that were only just managing to stay together. It’s a much gentler album than their previous efforts and includes elements of electronica, Corgan also made the decision to use a drum machine for the recording rather than replace Chamberlain.

While Adore doesn’t deliver on the grungy powerful sound fans were used to, it does manage to give a signal that the band were capable of other things. Corgan’s angsty lyricism is still there as always, as well as his overt arrogance that is constantly apparent. There are many tracks that are among the bands most brilliant on the record; the single ‘Perfect’ rivals ‘1979’ for tuneful beauty. And as a whole all the tracks flow together making perhaps the groups most definitive over-riding sound of any album. It does have its flaws though, the use of the drum machine is never really pulled off and makes the album sound tackier than it should and strips some of the purity of the song writing. It also seems less personal than their previous records with the group looking more into a conceptual artistic direction which leaves no room for their young naivety that shone through on their three previous records.

It is, however, one of the bands most interesting albums and for me remains one of my favourite records. It’s better to think of Adore as the end of their golden era rather than the beginning of their downfall which was fast approaching. It’s due for a remaster at some point this year which promises to contain some unreleased material that will she more light on the direction the group were trying to take.


Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

mgr-blade-modeBefore the release of spin off title Metal Gear Rising there was a lot of backlash from fans about its production. With original developers Kojima Productions  hitting a snag in production and eventually handing the majority of the project over to much smaller developers, Platinum Games people were worried about a drastic change in gameplay and style. The project was still overseen by series creator Hideo Kojima but took a very different approach to previous Metal Gear games moving into the hack and slash as opposed to usual stealth action.

The game is slightly awkward to get started with, with fast paced action and a lot of unfamiliar features it takes a level or two to fully get into the games flow. Once you do though Rising is a joy to play. It’s completely over the top in every aspect. The visuals are stunning and the game takes a huge amount of pleasure in bombarding you with ridiculous cut scenes involving lots of slow mo and cheesy one liners. The music is another notable element throughout fusing nu-metal with dubstep and classical its as if it was all designed by an excitable ten year old kid.  The blade mode was another factor that had fans worried about how the game would turn out, in the past games that have attempted to involve slow motion fully playable sword fighting have really not worked but the blade mode ends up becoming one of the games most lovable features. As you enter into it you can either opt to slice away every which way you please by swinging the right thumb stick all over the place or just use the attack buttons and let the game do its own thing, when you release from the mode enjoy watching the carnage you’ve caused as your opponent splits into a million pieces often giving you the opportunity to rip their guts out, explode them in your hand and replenish your health by absorbing their energy. The games gore takes everything a step further than it has too making the experience both ridiculous and completely awesome.

It does have its flaws, though. The campaign only consists of seven missions, or eight if you include the short prelude, which can be whizzed through in about 6-7 hours making it annoyingly short. There’s also too much reliance on boss fights throughout, despite all the fights being awesome fun they miss a trick by not letting you wander around slashing lesser enemies which is one of the games most fun features. It’s rescued though by having a great replay value, as you unlock Revengeance difficulty after completing making the game even harder. There’s also 20 VR missions to work through providing another challenge which will improve your technique. Metal Gear Rising is nowhere near as good as any Metal Gear Solid games that I’ve played but it was a refreshingly fun game to play through and acts well as a goofy little brother to the originals that’s extremely hard not to love.

Justboy, part 3

Then the boys walked over to me, they didn’t actually mention anything about me and Hannah but I knew they knew. We just chatted about this one time when Peanuts had eaten a worm and thrown up and the worm was still alive in his sick. It was hilarious the way Peanuts told it but I always wondered how true his stories actually were. Then Chris pulled out the bottle of vodka that the girls hadn’t finished and said they’d said we could have some so I took a big gulp. I wasn’t expecting it to be as horrible as it was, it felt like my throat was burning and the taste it left in my mouth was absolutely disgusting. It hit my head immediately too, I lost a bit more control of what I was doing and saying. Then Sarah came over and asked if we fancied a game of hide and seek in the woods and we thought that sounded like a laugh.

We all congregated in the middle of the site and worked on some rules. Everyone must have their phones on for emergencies and no jumping out on anyone because it would be far too scary. Still, none of us wanted to be first to be the seeker and we decided it by rock paper scissors, thankfully it was Peanuts who lost. We all ran off in different directions tripping over things and scrabbling around in the leaves finding the perfect spot. I found this bush that seems to have a big chunk missing out of it so I could get right inside. I could hear Peanuts counting and he was missing out numbers so he would get to 100 quicker. Then I saw him just run past the bush I was in and go in search of the others.

As I sat there I thought how much I’d actually really like to give Peanuts a good scare, he’s ruined what I had with Hannah and he needs to get what’s coming to him. I heard him find Hannah first actually she must have been in a pretty shit hiding place, then he found Chris, then the other two who were hiding together because they were too scared . The others had all gone back to the camp and I could hear Peanuts padding around sneakily trying to find me, by now I knew I was definitely going to try and scare the hell out of him.

I heard him start to get close to the bush I was in and I shook to draw his attention slightly, I knew he wouldn’t be able to see me in there. He heard the leaves shaking and turned to look at the bush. “Got you, Jason, you can come out now,” he shouted confidently. I remained as still as I could and waited silently for him to come closer to the bush and start to inspect it. He came right in close and I thought he was going to spot me, but he didn’t. He was just about to turn back around and look elsewhere when I burst through the top of bush screaming at the top of my lungs. He jumped so much that he actually fell over, it was so funny. I burst into laughter as he lay there in the leaves and collected himself. I saw in his face that he wasn’t pleased and was actually quite angry so I jumped out of the bush and began to run back to the camp. He got up and chased after me.

When I reached the camp site I stopped, I thought I was safe there and needed to catch my breath. As I was panting he caught up but he was still genuinely mad and he shoved on the floor from behind. I managed to get my hands out just in time to stop my face hitting the ground. Then he dragged my back up and swung for me, he smacked me right in the eye and I fell back down. The others all ran over to stop him from hitting me again.

“What are you doing, mate?” Chris shouted at Peanuts.

“He deserved, we agreed no fucking jumping out and what did he do? He fucking jumped out at me!” Peanuts shouted back. I’d never seen him quite so angry before I thought it must’ve been down to the alcohol. I wanted to say something back to him like, ‘you shat yourself you pussy,’ but I bit my tongue because I didn’t want to get hit again.

Hannah came over to see if I was ok but she seemed to notice something on the floor next to me. I hadn’t noticed but when I’d fallen the condom must’ve fallen out of pocket and she’d spotted it. She bent down to pick it up and all I wanted was to be curled up in bed with no one around, I wished I hadn’t come out at all. She picked it up and stared at me right in the eye. She didn’t even need to say anything; she said it all in her eyes. But then she did speak, “Jason, what the fuck is this? Did you actually think we were going to have sex tonight in these woods? Who do you think I am, Jason? We’re only fifteen, we can’t be having sex yet, and who the fuck wants their first time to be in the woods and drunk? You’re a bastard Jason, I actually really liked you but you’re just a bastard.”

This time I couldn’t stop it and tears starting rolling from eyes and down my face. I opened my mouth to defend myself but nothing came out. I turned and looked at Peanuts and he had this smug grin plastered across his face like this is what he’d planned all along. I just turned and ran away. I ran all the way through the woods all the way back home. It was really late now, must have been about two in the morning so I snuck in through the back door and made as little noise as possible going up to my room.

This Is The End

this-is-the-endThere are very few people in comedy that reach the level of Superbad and Pineapple Express, writing duo Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, though, have managed to bring us two classic comedies and this month they follow them up with This Is The End. We’ll respectfully forget that The Green Hornet ever happened. The premise for the pair’s new movie sees a troupe of the finest comedy talents in the business all play themselves as they attempt to survive the apocalypse. The cast boasts Jonah Hill, James Franco, Craig Robinson Danny McBride, Michael Cera and Emma Watson and numerous cameos from other ridiculously famous people!

For me, This Is The End completely lived up to expectations and even surpassed them in some aspects. The movie starts off just as you’d expect with a montage of Seth Rogen and old friend Jay Baruchel getting stoned off their tits before heading over to James Franco’s showbiz party. It doesn’t take long before the end of the world starts to happen but before it does we’re treated to some of the funniest moments with Michael Cera abusing cocaine like Charlie Sheen and the laugh level is set from there on and never drops. It would be easy to criticise this movie for being too silly and while it hints at having serious moments about the world ending and everyone around them dying they never deliver and it comes as a bit of a shock at the end when they attempt to craft some kind of emotive reaction from you. But the films so likeable in other aspects it also doesn’t take much to look over its flaws and just soak in the comedy genius. Stand-out performances come from Danny McBride who is on top form really just being an asshole to the rest of the group and Jonah Hill who is completely self-important and patronising having won his Oscar, I won’t spoil anything for you but an Exorcist reference involving Hill provides another of the films funniest highlights. Emma Watson also brings a few good laughs but don’t be fooled by the trailer shes not any more than an extended cameo appearance really.

With This Is The End Rogen and Goldberg have struck gold for a third time with a hilarious stoner comedy that firmly places them at the top of the comedy world. The Worlds End will have to do something really special to top this.