An Unusual Murder, part 4

The following is filed as classified evidence for the Simon Falmouth case.

Official Statement

Simon Falmouth

     My name is Simon. That’s the name I was born with. Not Badman, not Chris, and not Sarah, my name is Simon. When I was 24 I was diagnosed with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) which means I have other people in my head. I can’t choose when they come and when they go but when they do come I’m not here anymore, they take full residence of me. All my other personalities are separate from me but we share the same body. Some of the others damage me and leave me to pick up the pieces.

Sarah likes to self-harm which causes me a lot of pain. Badman has had me in trouble with the police before he thinks he’s a drug dealer so he says stuff about doing hard drugs all the time. Once he did manage to do some cocaine and he got caught straight away. That’s why they assigned Mary to me, so she could stop them doing terrible things but there’s not much she can do really. I like Chris, he’s the one personality that I would like to keep, the other two I’d rather get rid of. Apparently, I created these identities as a way of coping with past trauma, but that doesn’t make sense to me because none of my other personalities deal with problems in a sensible way.

When someone else does something bad and doesn’t admit to it I write in my diary to ask whoever it was to own up. For example, the first time Sarah self-harmed I wrote in the book: ‘Who did this to me? This is not fair, please own up now.’ And then a day or two later Sarah came out and admitted: ‘I did it,’ she wrote, ‘it was to protect you from the memories. If I don’t have an outlet and if you want me to keep harbouring all these memories then you have to let me release the pain.’ Since then things have escalated really, the self-harming hasn’t stopped, Badman’s got more and more dangerous and even Charlie plays up when he’s with Mary.

Now, murder! I can’t believe even Badman would go this far though. And to think that he’s a part of me, I’m unaware of what he’s doing but he’s still a part of me that’s doing it, I can’t come to terms with it. I’ve been writing in the diary trying to make sense of it from what the others have got to say, but it still seems too unbelievable that I’ve done this, that a person of my own creation, a person in my own head is capable of this. Badman has lied about doing things before. He reads these newspaper stories and then will write confessions in the diary owning up to things he’s read about, like robberies and gang crimes. I just let him believe it, it never seemed worth fighting against. If I questioned whether he did those things then he might do something to try and prove that he is the hard man he’s claiming to be.

I’ve been told I’m in denial and now that this has happened I’m considered dangerously insane and I’m probably going to get put in a secure home. Like that’s any kind of life. I’m not insane though, the others might be but I’m not, I don’t have any control over them, I just don’t understand. No one understands this condition.

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